It’s really surprised me how little patience I actually have. When things are going smoothly (or even fairly smooth) it’s so easy to smile and carry on. It’s only when things get tough can you really tell if you can hold it together.
Lately, my spiritual connectivity has been weak which effects the way I behave. I have a problem with recognising and accepting an issue that might be bothering me. Right now there may be other under laying issues I haven’t addressed and so the frustrations come out to people that are closest to me. It’s a vicious circle.
I’ve got a couple of duas written in my phone notepad that I recite every time I feel like I’m being torn away from what actually matters. These duas have changed the way I see things almost instantly and so nothing seems so bad anymore.
It reminds me to be kind and gentle with the little human who is completely dependent on me. To allow her to be sad or angry but to teach her how to deal with these feelings in a healthy way. She is always watching me and that thought scares me. It also makes me want to strive to be better. It’s ok if I slip, it’s ok if I fall. As long as I get back up. Allah has trusted me and given me the responsibility to take care of her and that is what I shall do.
اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ
Allahumma rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘aynin wa aslih li sha’ni kullahu la ilaha ila anta
O Allah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshiped except You.