This is a question I’ve been asking myself lately because of the constant attention Jana has been demanding from me. It is literally driving me insane. It’s not that she didn’t demand this attention before – I’ve just not been myself, not feeling 100% – which is making her a bit insecure about how I’ve been treating her. This in turn, is making her grumpy and just plain annoying!
I’ve just had a very short (almost) three years with my ONE toddler (inshallah many more years to come) and yes, there are super mums out there who have three under fives and still manage to run their house perfectly whilst balancing their love life and in laws etc what I’m trying to say is – everyone is going through different periods of change in their lives that allows them to, slowly, prepare for the challenges their life is bringing to them. Mine right now, are to deal with just this little tot while I deal with being unwell.
It doesn’t get easier as they grow older. It just…changes. It’s true, her questions are more in depth and getting harder. The problems she has are harder to deal with. When I envision myself with her as a teenager, I sometimes get scared of what I’ll have to deal with but also sad that I may not get all the hugs and kisses I get swamped with every day and night and the fact that I’m her whole world right now may not be so true when she’s so independent. So we try to appreciate all the little moments we have together. I believe day to day life does get easier but the challenges get harder.
When baby J was turning two she went through the ‘boundary testing’ age (I like to call it that because terrible twos feels like name calling!) and we learnt how to deal with that together and looking back now, the little patience I needed to cope with a few moments was well worth it. She learnt to be calmer then she used to and deal with things in a better way then screaming and throwing tantrums.
We’re approaching the three year mark and I can see changes that are possibly even confusing for Jana herself. My lack of patience makes her jittery and anxious which is not what I want at all. In these little moments if I show a little patience and love to when she has a meltdown over something of great importance to her, she realises there is more then one way to deal with a situation and that I’m there to listen and help when she needs me. These issues may not make a difference to us (or we may not see the importance) but if we disregard their feelings on these issues early on, they might believe we are not to be trusted with bigger issues later on in their lives. So it’s important to take their feelings into account and treat them with the respect we expect from them.
At some point they will begin sleeping through the night – maybe not every night but enough to bring you out of chronic sleep deprivation and you will feel less tired, less moody and become more of the woman you remember.
At some point they will buckle their own seat belts, tie their own shoe laces, brush their own teeth and put themselves to bed. It will be a treat to take them out for dinner and not just a lot of work for you when going on holidays.
When all this happens, you will have remarkable little people to laugh with and share your life with and that’s when you will start to miss all the things that are making your life not so easy right now!
It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel all the time but remind yourself of these little moments and the fact that this time will fly by so be grateful every day for the time you get to spend with the little hands and feet in your house. (As I am trying to do right now by addressing this post!) May you find light in every single age and every single stage.