Dead blog has me scratching my head like crazy because my creativity seems to have died along with my passion for food since this pregnancy. I’ve had no desire to eat anything healthy, juicy, sweet, or even downright hazardous like deep fried and smothered in chocolate. I do however recall the feeling of love I’d get looking at food and wanting to inhale it so I have that to hold onto (and wait for the day when food is my friend again).
I’ve been lying awake for three hours now. I know I’ll be paying for it later when my toddler decides to wake up, in an hours time, and have fully restored energy that I won’t be able to keep up with but pregnancy insomnia is real people! Some nights I sleep for nine hours and wake up feeling tired, other nights I wake up after a few hours of sleep only to find too much energy in myself to go back to sleep. Vicious.
As you may, or may not know, we are currently in the last ten nights of Ramadan. It is the most blessed time for muslims and I’m sad that I’ve not been able to fast this year because Ramadan last year was just the best. (It was the first since having Jana!) my reason for bringing this up was my thought process I’ve had tonight whilst trying hard to get back to sleep. The thought of my birthday next week (and the fact that it’s a big one..) has had family and friends asking me what I’d like and as much as I appreciate it all I really don’t have an answer. I really don’t have any desire for anything right now. There’s not one thing I can think of. Instead I realised I don’t want something material to make this special, I actually want an experience. I want my experience to teach something to the ever watchful eyes of my toddler. I want her to know you don’t need your birthday to be about receiving, it can be about giving too.
So I ultimately want to do something that involves me being a good role model for my child. It’s been like this ever since she was born. I can’t think of doing something without thinking of the impact it would have on her so it makes me want to do better and go one step further. May Allah always guide me in doing so.