I should have learnt from my terrible first experience and I thought I did. It seems that I haven’t, after all.

Jana was my first deepest, strongest love and it was understood that I had to do everything for her. I wanted to! Why should anyone else have that privilege? I was so selfish and naive.

This time around I promised to let other members of the family be a part of taking care of Haya. I have let go and sat back as often as I can. Only difference is, this time there are just the two of us to look after the two of them.

I had a major major back problem which resulted in a slip disc back then. It’s when it hit me. If I don’t look after myself, who on earth will look after my baby? It hit me hard. I started looking after myself more and my body healed itself within months!

And yet I find myself, on tenterhooks, wondering, whether this terrible agony I feel in my back at the slightest of movements, will once again turn into something so grave to take me off mummy duty.

For now, going to pamper and look after myself in order to look after my pack. The rest is still unwritten.

Tenterhooks